It is a day I remember not that well;
a day of death, a day of loss.
I stumbled along in grief and shock.
Barely knowing then what I said or did;
now less will come to mind.
While memories fail,
raw feelings return and tear my soul.
Yet of that fear-filled painful day,
one thing I gratefully recall:
you were there,
through it all,
you were there.
9 July 2011
Greeley, CO, Estes Park, CO
Filed under Friends
My spirit soared and my heart broke at the same time today.
Songs by Tommy Sands have a way of doing that to me.
Sands wrote “You Will Never Grow Old” for his brother Eugene (“Dino”) who died young, way too young, in a 1975 car accident.
Lines from the chorus spoke to me of members of my family and of friends:
You will never grow old
But you’ll always be growing
In our hearts, in our minds
In the home you left behind
Amen.
See you along the Trail.
Faced with horror
beyond my reckoning,
yet possible within
the imagination and execution
of others, I stand
silent.
Easy words and quick answers
do not pass my lips;
no facile explanations offered;
yet never do I turn
away.
With battered heart and tear-filled eyes,
with bruised soul and deep sighs,
I watch and listen
as I grieve and ache – I bear
witness.
22 July 2012
DL 1776
MCO – LGA
Filed under Current Events, Poem, Travel
Slowly
comfort
comes.
Comfort comes in hearing the guitar wail
and
comfort comes in watching the river flow.
Slowly
comfort
comes.
Comfort comes in shedding tears
and
comfort comes in consuming chocolate.
Slowly
comfort
comes.
Comfort comes in talking with friends
and
comfort comes in having work to do.
Slowly
comfort
comes.
Slowly
comfort
comes.
6-7 July 2012
Pittsburgh and Cleveland Heights
Anxiety tugs at his heart
and memories rise
as he nears the place –
memories once sweet
have now turned ashen,
burned bitter;
pain sears him,
slows him,
stops him.
He shakes his head
squeezes his eyes,
clutches his chest.
The pain remains,
eases,
increases.
Unwilling to turn away,
he deeply sighs
and moves forward,
to cross the threshold,
recognizing the pain will be
his constant companion
from that moment forward,
forevermore.
2 June 2012
While welcomed at Moe’s
Louisville, KY
Laughter rang out,
a smile filled his face,
yet as our eyes locked
for an instant,
I saw sadness
carved there by
tears unshed for
sorrows, pain, and loss
endured through the years.
25 April 2012
DL 92
NYC – DUB
Filed under Poem
Trayvon Martin
Our position of privilege tells me that what happened to Trayvon Martin is less likely to happen to my sons than it is to the sons or daughters of many of my friends. Less likely than it is to happen to the sons or daughters of people I do not know. Less likely than it is to happen to children of color.
I grieve for Trayvon and for his family and for every family that has had to endure such a heartbreaking experience. I grieve for all who have been victimized by violence. I grieve for our society in which such acts occur.
I grieve that there have been calls for a bounty on George Zimmerman. Vigilante justice is wrong. It is not the answer.
I grieve that for all our efforts to dismantle racism and overcome racial prejudice – for the significant progress we have made on the journey toward the Beloved Community – so far remains to go.
I tremble as I ponder the trust and friendship that I receive from people of color. Trust and friendship that provide continuing definitions of grace.
I confess that I have spoken too late and too timidly on behalf of Trayvon and his family.
I acknowledge that I have failed to work as faithfully or diligently as I should have done to address the racism upon which our society is structured.
I grieve. I tremble. I confess. I acknowledge. I will do more.
I will sign a petition started by Trayvon’s family. I hope that the investigations that have been announced will be fair, full, and transparent. Only in that way can justice be done for everyone involved.
I will be on Union Square for the Million Hoodie March this evening.
I will look for additional opportunities to speak and act.
I will place a hoodie at the front of the workshop I will lead at a Presbyterian gathering on peace and social justice on Friday.
I will pray for Trayvon Martin’s family and friends; for George Zimmerman and his family and friends; for those who investigate this event; for the people of Sanford, Florida; for our country; for peace, for justice.
For in the end, our lives intertwine in this country and on this small rock hurtling around the sun.
In the end we are made, not for ourselves alone but for each other.
In the end, is not Trayvon my son? Is not George my son?
We are brothers and sisters. We are all each other’s sons – all each other’s daughters
See you along the Trail.
This post has been revised in response to comments and observations made on Facebook and in other places. Some language has been edited; other material has been added. I am grateful to all those who took the time to read and comment.
Filed under Family, Friends, Human Rights
From Ghost Ranch’s Facebook page:
We are deeply saddened by the sudden passing of our director of education & program yesterday morning, Ed DeLair. Thank you all, for your kind words and sentiments.
Services will be held Monday, February 6, at 10:30 a.m. at the Agape Center at Ghost Ranch. A gathering for lunch will follow in the dining hall.
Please keep his wife Becky and their four children, Eddie, Tom, Will and Eva in your prayers.
Son Eric, who worked at Ghost Ranch this past summer and knew Ed, shared the news with me via a text. Not wanting to believe, I fired a text of denial back to Eric. After some searching, it became clear that I should not have doubted. And then the news from the ranch itself.
Through tears that clouded my heart, an image emerged: a bright July morning, Ed standing outside the Dining Hall, Kitchen Mesa bursting with sun, steam 
rising from the coffee cup held in his hand, a big smile on his face.
Ed and I met in Israel. He took part in a travel-study seminar to Israel and the occupied Palestinian territories organized by the Presbyterian Peacemaking Program. The picture shows him with his presbytery team on that trip. That’s pretty much the same smile he had on the July morning in New Mexico. Actually, that’s pretty much the same smile he always had on his face.
Over the years we bumped into each other at various places around the denomination. Most recently, we had several conversations at Ghost Ranch this past July. Clearly Ed was where he wanted to be, where he was supposed to be. And now, for reasons I cannot explain, he is not.
Many words come to mind to describe Ed – you can see a lot of them on his Facebook page – on the Ghost Ranch Facebook page:
Good
Kind
Decent
Committed
Caring
Solid (mutual friend Bob Brashear uses that one; it fits)
Competent
Faithful
Faith-filled
I grieve for Ed’s family and friends.
I grieve for the Ghost Ranch staff and the extended Ghost Ranch community.
I grieve for all who have been torn by Ed’s death – all who mourn.
I pray that they have already experienced the grace of God sustaining them and the love of family and friends supporting them as they walk this shadowed valley. I pray they continue to do so.
And I give thanks for the life and love and witness of Ed DeLair who lived – lived well and lived fully.
To paraphrase the Presbyterian service of Witness to the Resurrection: “Even in the face of death – death that comes too soon – we make our song: alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!”
See you along the Trail.
Filed under Ghost Ranch People, Photo
Grief compounds grief.
Each new loss, however profound or simple, touches old losses, however simple or profound, however raw or well-healed.
The losses need not be ours. When a family member – someone we love – even a friend – endures a loss, it sets the spider web of our emotions trembling. It touches our soul.
Each new loss tears at us, raking the scars and the scabs we carry – sometimes causing minor irritation – sometimes a bit of seepage – sometimes opening afresh old wounds – sometimes inflicting new ones.
Grief compounds grief.
I have shared that insight with family, parishioners and friends.
I have known that intellectually.
I have lived that.
Grief compounds grief.
In recent days, a number of my friends have experienced the death of dogs – faithful pets, beloved companions.
I have grieved for each friend – I grieved with each friend.
And in that grieving, I have come to realize – that I still grieve for Charley – who shared life with our family – who shared life with my brother’s family – for many years. On a pretty day at the end of April, Charley was put to sleep following a period of illness.
With a heart that aches for many reasons, I say to my friends who grieve the loss of a pet – peace. Peace be with you. Remember. Shed a tear. And rejoice.
Grief compounds grief.
See you along the Trail.
I grieve for Elias Ocean Johnson whose young life ended far too soon – almost before it began – and far too brutally. I tremble as I seek to imagine what his last moments were like – what his few months were like.
I grieve for Dana Johnson, his mother and all who loved Elias.
I grieve for Christopher T. Johnson who reportedly testified to, and was convicted of, killing Elias. Alabama executed Johnson this evening.
I grieve for the prison personnel called upon to take Johnson’s life; I grieve for those who love them.
Johnson did not want anyone to block his execution and he filed no appeals. What he said he did appalls me and offends me. The cruel, violent act that took the life of baby Elias also violated and brutalized our society.
Yet, in my grief, I also believe that by taking Johnson’s life, the state – our society – has also been wounded and diminished. Our willingness to take a life for a life appears an act of vengeance – not of justice – not of restoration – not of seeking some new possibility out of an act of evil.
I do not know what should happen to those who kill our sisters and brothers, however old, however young. That grieves me, too. But I am sure that capital punishment is not the answer.
See you along the Trail.
Filed under Capital Punishment, Death Penalty, Human Rights
Along the Graybeard Trail 